Are You the Captain?
Last night I had the craziest dream! I was on a boat in the water. There were strangers and family members, random animals and my own pets on there with me. A lot like a modern day version of the Ark – now that I think about it. The water became very turbulent and turned into a sink hole. This boat that was next to us got pulled straight down into the core of the tornado and swallowed whole.
I could tell that we were next. I could feel us being sucked towards the epicenter. Instinctively I started to chant HIGH VIBES, HIGH VIBES, HIGH VIBES and my cousin joined in. In the matter of seconds I felt our vessel start to stabilize.
In the next scene I was on one end of the massive ship and the captain was at the other. We started to teeter back and forth violently. We were almost on an 180 degree angle, the deck turning into a sheer drop. This too would have caused us to capsize.
I looked around and no one seemed either concerned about our imminent fate; or they were paralyzed by fear. Either way I saw that it was up to me to save us. I began to move from one end of the boat to the other, to make sure that it came back into balance.
It made me feel powerful once my quick action turned this potential tragedy into a triumph. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops. The next thing I remember is the after math. We were still on this boat that was obviously completed wrecked on the inside. I walked around and felt deflated. I started to tell some of the people about how I had saved their ass. They didn’t even seem to care!
It made me feel invisible, like my contribution didn’t even matter. Inside my head in the dream I contemplated my options. I could just go about my business and pretend like I hadn’t just achieved a massive feat. Or I could get up on stage and make an announcement and command the attention of the room. I could use the opportunity to give a sermon and stand even more in my true power.
I felt conflicted. If I insist that everyone pay attention to me is that ego? Would it not be more humble for me to simply “keep on keeping on”? It didn’t feel right not to acknowledge it or receive some recognition….
One of the topics we have been discussing this week is that of self-betrayal. How we can get so caught up in catering to others that we betray ourselves. That is what I was grappling with in the dream. If I didn’t get up there on that stage and make them pay attention, would I be betraying myself? Or could I adopt a different perspective that might be equally powerful, and realize that I didn’t need their approval or recognition. That I knew my own truth deep inside.
The answer that is coming through…is – either way works. Regardless of what you need, you are not wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.
I went for a massage and craniosacral appointment a few months ago. The lovely and in-tune lady giving the treatment said something to me AS SOON as I walked into the space. “There’s nothing wrong with you” she said. It struck me to the core. This was not the first time I had considered this idea. For much of my life, I did feel like there was something wrong with me. I believe this story came from feeling beaten down my whole life. Nothing I ever did seemed right. I tried my very best to make everything perfect…and STILL I was told it wasn’t good enough.
That shit sticks with you. It runs deep. So deep in fact that this women was picking up on it in my energy field so strongly that she felt compelled to comfort me around it. The reason it hit so deep when she mention it so boldly like that, is because I realized she was right. Despite my best efforts to move past that limiting belief, I was still carrying it.
It’s pretty amazing how things can change really deeply and rapidly over the course of a short amount of time though. When the time is right. That is the period I am in right now. It’s is written in my birth chart. This is the year where things really “turn around for me”.
Not even 2 weeks ago I had the fortune of receiving another healing treatment. This one was as deep as they come. It was a complete REBOOT of my nervous system. The doctor was able to clear away traumas being held in my body since birth! I cannot even express how different and relieved I feel.
The biggest difference I have noticed is my anxiety and depression have subsided. Along with that is the removal of compulsion towards addictive activities. I struggled with substance abuse (most predominantly towards marijuana) for a couple decades.
I feel completely at ease now. I have no desire for it anymore.
I would also wager that if I went back to see the craniosacral lady now, she would not deliver the same message. “Ironically” this is the message I have for you today…
There’s nothing wrong with you. You are exactly perfect as you are. You are worthy no matter WHAT you do or don’t do. You have value simply because you are here. You matter.
My soul chose to experience such a turbulent road to give me deep wisdom and compassion, so that I may act as a support to others along the way. I have healed myself on every level so that I am available to guide and hold space for you.
If my content speaks to you, please reach out. I am doing my part by showing up. You have to do your part by coming forward.
Infinite love & compassion to you sweet sister,
xo Sara D
P.S. Always remember that you are in charge of steering your ship