Why Spirituality is Important to Me…
Over the last 13 years I have come to know my spirit. She of course was always there right along side me the whole time, but she was broken-hearted. She had been beat down, squished into submission (and not the good kind). Defeated. Devalued. Deflated.
SOMEHOW I started to follow her anyways. Somehow I began to listen to her subtle undertone. Somehow by starting to listen to the slight promptings from within I found her once more. When I was 25 I had the first true experience with that which we label spirituality. In all fairness there was one other time that felt of spiritual significance, when I was around 10, at Church Camp. Over the course of the week I was there I realized, “hey, I’m kinda into the God thing”. I raised my hand when asked if we had taken “him” into our hearts. However that revelation was short-lived as after I left sleep-away camp I returned to the “house without soul”.
When I followed my impulse to TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH at the age of 25 and moved across the globe, from Canada to Australia, that’s when my spiritual awakening was really able to take hold. The biggest gift this trip offered was the gift of space. Away from the oppressive tyranny I was entangled in. Yes as the miles grew between me, and the heavy energies of over-protective parents who never learned how to love themselves, the stage was set for spirit to return to me in a major way!
When I returned home from this trip, which lasted 1.5 years and changed me from a shy girl riddled in self-doubt to a newly minted (but really obviously old soul) spiritual warrior, they didn’t know what to make of it. They seemed to be slightly shocked and certainly uncomfortable about my transformation. So like anything else that made them feel that way they just continued to pretend to ignore it. After many years past and they could see that my new found faith was more of a lifestyle choice than a passing fancy they began to dip their toe in the water. Now they try and connect with me about it, which is really sweet. And yet, I have yet to ever have a proper conversation with them about it.
It feels to me like they are looking at my affinity for spirituality as something external to me. It seems that because they do not have their own conscious connection to the divine, that they “see it” as outside of themselves. They do not understand that the reason I am SO PASSIONATE about spirituality is because it LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFE. It was welcoming my spirit back in that saved me from the spiral of self-hatred that I have been karmic-ally contracted to unravel. After I left my family home, feeling stunted and stunned and suppressed I was spinning. I was spinning so fast I didn’t even realize I was spinning!
I was not equipped to feel safe in the World because I was not taught that safety comes FROM WITHIN. That EVERYTHING comes from within. I did not feel safe. I felt scared. I felt shame. I absorbed a toxic cocktail of fear, denial, control, martyrdom, the list goes on. Unraveling it all was a BITCH…let me tell you. And, my soul signed on for it. I accepted the accelerated path, concentrated suffering → followed by potent transformational awakening.
Now that I have let go of the suffering aspect, and the pain, it may be time to just drop them a little note. “Hey, you know how you think I’m weird cause I’m into all this spirituality stuff?” “Do you ever wonder why?”
The why is because IT S ME! I am SOOOO into spirituality because it is a PART OF ME. Spirit is not separate from us. WE ARE SPIRIT. We all have a soul/spirit/higher self (hell you can even call it your subconscious mind if you want) whatever your terminology – it addresses the same essence. And that essence is you. That part of you that is undefinable. That part of you that is limitless. That part of you that only knows harmony and balance and truth and full self-expression.
If we refuse to acknowledge that WE ARE SPIRIT – we continue to suffer. When you ignore or disregard a part of yourself then you are not allowing yourself to be whole. How can we expect to be happy and healthy if we are turning away from ourselves?
That is why spirituality is important to me. Because it is the word we give to connecting, cultivating and nurturing our connection with our true selves (the ones unencumbered with earthly ordeals) and with the Universe, of which we are very much a part.
If I had not embraced spirituality I have NO IDEA how I would have survived this life. It was hard enough as it was, even after I started to realize that life is so much greater than my day-to-day-life. If I hadn’t been able to rest back on the idea that “everything was going to be ok eventually” cause the Universe had my back I think I surely would have sunken into a black hole and died.
Faith gave me the courage to keep moving forward even though it felt like a lot of the time I was riding through a SHIT STORM. I recently learned that faith is a CHOICE and a PRACTICE. It is one that I call in every day. By connecting to faith we are acknowledging that there is something greater than us. In my house there was no culture of soul. And no surprise, there was no feeling of fulfillment either. There was “success” from an external perspective – but there was something missing. No joy. No spark.
Because my soul was so starved, as soon as it got a taste of spirituality it chugged that shit down! After what felt like life-times wandering the desert alone – it recognized INSTANTLY – this is what I have been missing. For that I thank my parents. If I hadn’t been so starved of spirit for so long, perhaps I would have resisted her as so many others do.
Spirituality is important to me because it is the REAL ME.
xo Sara Devine